The episode guide
One converted floor above the shops, one documentary crew, and the year the internet arrived on Felton Avenue.
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PILOT
Hump Day
Draft completeDay one of filming at Bearded Clam Productions. A documentary crew, a nervous owner, a malfunctioning contraption, and one first-floor window that will never be the same again.
A documentary crew arrives at Bearded Clam Productions, Basildon's premier — and only — adult entertainment studio, for their first day of filming. Owner Barry Bobbins has a rehearsed opening statement, a bespoke costume fresh from a specialist in Southend, and absolutely no intention of joining the internet age.
Preparations for the studio's biggest production in years hit a snag when Eddie's latest contraption refuses to cooperate. Barry decides to demonstrate it personally. Felton Avenue market will be talking about what happened next for years.
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EP 01
Gone Viral
In developmentBarry has spent a decade calling the internet a fad. The internet has just found the footage.
Footage of a certain incident on Felton Avenue is travelling — email forwards, message boards, local news, and beyond. Barry Bobbins is suddenly famous, and a man who called the internet "Betamax with wires" on Monday is demanding a digital empire by Friday.
Adi, the only person in the building who knows what a modem is, finds himself indispensable to a boss who understands nothing.
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EP 02
Squirty Dancing (The Revival)
In developmentThe classics are coming online — starting with the studio's masterpiece, its legendary star, and a lift that was ambitious the first time.
Barry's first venture into online content: remaking the Bearded Clam classics, beginning with the studio's undisputed masterpiece. The legendary Berta The Squirter returns to defend her crown, rider demands and all, opposite leading man Fatdick Swayze.
Everything builds to the iconic lift scene. The first time they filmed it was ambitious. This time makes history — just not the kind anyone intended.
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EP 03
Going For Gold
In developmentA location shoot. An Olympic theme. A booking clash the venue will be apologising for until 2030.
Barry's ambition goes off-site: a games-themed spectacular at a hired sports facility, complete with events, heats and a podium. Unfortunately, the venue has made a scheduling error of catastrophic proportions.
What follows is the kind of day that gets written up in the local paper, discussed by the council, and never, ever mentioned at the school gates again.
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EP 04
Do It For The Children
In developmentAfter recent events, Bearded Clam gives back to the community — live, online, and with acts that were not as advertised.
Damage control, Barry style: a charity tribute-act concert for local good causes, streamed live on the internet as proof that Bearded Clam is a pillar of the community.
The agency's tribute acts are not as described. The audience is not as expected. And the live viewer counter means Barry gets to watch his reputation in real time.
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EP 05
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
In developmentA superhero production, a staged kidnap, and a case of mistaken identity involving someone you do not mistake.
The studio's superhero epic goes into production, complete with a dramatic mock-kidnap sequence. When the staged crime brushes up against a real one, Bearded Clam finds itself entangled with a genuine local villain — and Barry ends the day owing the kind of people you don't want to owe.
One performer is hospitalised. The insurance forms alone are a saga.
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EP 06
Ohhh No It Isn't!!
In developmentThe Christmas panto mega-production, live-streamed to Bearded Clam's biggest ever audience. Everything the season has built. Everything the season has broken.
Barry's masterstroke: an adult pantomime spectacular — Snow White & The Seven D'wharves headlining — streamed live to the biggest audience in the company's history.
Every score gets settled, every contraption gets its moment, and Barry Bobbins finally gets the exposure he's always wanted. All of it. Live.